Let me tell you a little bit about me and how the arts have been a agent of healing grace and personal transformation....
So as a child I experienced a measure of trauma and suffered from depression, anxiety, and fits of rage. PTSD was a part of my life from the affects of my father who was a Vietnam Vet who suffered deeply after the war. My household was fused with fear, violence, and instability.
We escaped from home in FL and transitioned to Massachusetts to live with my uncle. We left with the clothes on our back, my mom and us 4 kids.....it was a terrible night and traumatic for everyone. But Thank God we all made it. At the same time i loved my dad deeply and needed a father. That was ripped out of my life and was a void that had lasting ripple affects. Sadly, many of us can relate...
To fast forward, let me say that such brokenness has many layers of affects in our lives and development as people and deeply affects our ability to live in freedom and freely express who we are...for some of us, we didn't or don't know who we are. This was part of my story.
I was afraid to fail and afraid to be vulnerable because if people didnt accept me i would be rejected and abandoned. This was the lie deep in my heart but none the less it was paralyzing at times. I couldn’t do homework, vulnerability was difficult, I couldn’t be totally given to something or risk in anything competitive because if I failed then “I was a failure”, I couldn’t write freely and had severe mental block/writers block. Yet, i was very gifted in creative writing, i loved drawing, dancing, singing, performing....
I suffered from perfectionism and therefore wouldn’t really do anything...I had no goals or ambition or vision for the future....i felt hopeless and powerless and didnt have confidence in who i was.
But....as Jesus changed my life and began a process of healing and restoration He would ask my heart what I wanted. I was shocked at such a question and would deflect, “Lord, i want what you want..only you know what is good and right for me...” I was afraid to know and own my heart and afraid to be wrong or rejected. But God as a loving Father would not relent in His gracious way and would continue to ask....”As you abide in my word and My word abides in you ask what YOU wish and it will be done for you..”...”Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart....”
At this time creative juices and vision began to rise up in my heart for things like dance and the martial arts....i felt like this was so foolish at the time in my rational mind but my spirit was waking up.
As i began to dance and move my body and do martial art things began to be unlocked within me. My mind began to be freer to write and express itself without fear. My soul became open to receive love in a greater way as i was vulnerable before God and people in my movement. The dichotomy of my mind and spirit began to reconcile and heal.
I began to experience these areas of expression as acts of worship and self expression - even intercession (i’ll Write more on this another time). It was therapeutic, healing, and empowering.
As Eric ludy the olympian gold medalist and missionary to china said, ”when i run i feel His pleasure...” when i danced and do martial arts or sing or make music or preach and teach....i feel His pleasure in me, upon me, and being expressed through me.
Let me ask you:
Love to hear from you and help you break past your barriers, connect you to your identity, purpose, and passion!
This is what we do in Breakthrough Wellness Coaching! You ready?!
Schedule your free Breakthrough strategy session and will see if we’re a good fit to work together!